The human brain is wired for self-preservation.

Two ways it does this are that it tries to find ways to conserve calories and then find ways to increase calories to store for leaner times.  (That explains why I watched so much Netflix while consuming copious amounts of Pop-Tarts during the pandemic!) In other words, our brains are always looking for efficient ways of doing things to burn fewer calories.

One of the ways this shows up is in the way that we observe the world. It's not efficient for us to take every single thing we see as a unique, one-off observation. This is why our brain creates mental models for the way things work, how people behave, and nature moves. All of our stereotypes and categories are forms of mental models.

Our mental models of the world often make it easier for us to navigate the world. And while we perceive our mental models as reality, they are an approximation of reality. As we engage the world using our mental models, we (hopefully) learn where our models are inaccurate and flawed, and we revise them to a closer approximation of reality. 

However, sometimes we have mental models that are unconscious, that we don’t realize we are using when we engage the world around us. I find this to be especially true in organizations. We bring a set of assumptions or mental models to the work and structure of which we might not be aware. This is fine until conflict or challenges show up. Those are the times when it is most important to step back and test our mental models and assumptions.  Not only will it help us burn extra calories, but it might surface ways that our mental models are not accurate and may be contributing to the conflict or challenge at hand. (Remember, a mental model is not reality; it's our best approximation of reality.)

This can be especially helpful in interpersonal conflict where we can’t seem to find a reasonable resolution. Sometimes it's because each party has a competing and/or incomplete mental model that they are relying upon to guide them in their approach to the situation.

A tool that we love to use when working with clients in a conflict, challenge, or change management process is the iceberg model. This is a great tool to work through to help surface the mental models, assumptions, or values that may be at the root of the conflict.  Once those are clearly identified, that understanding gives us a leverage point on which to move the conversation forward.

So next time you find yourself facing a wicked problem or trying to understand a conflict that seems stuck – take a step back and consider the mental models you and the other parties in the conflict are using. Not only can it help you move forward, but you’ll burn more calories as a benefit – giving a whole new meaning to working something out!